This is Trogmo. Born yesterday in my garden, he immediately became the subject of ridicule in the eyes of the other, more attractive carrots. And as we all know, carrots have excellent eyesight.

carrot 1

Embarrassed by his looks, Trogmo rarely had visitors. Even when he did, he was extremely jealous of their length, girth, firmness and undeniable magnificence.

carrot 3

Ostracized and lonely, Trogmo became more and more resentful toward the other carrots and their public displays of affection. Orange with envy, he began to despair that he would never find love.

carrot 2

Driven to desperation, Trogmo began to troll the internet and cruise the sketchier regions of the garden, where he managed to have a brief fling with a less discerning (and reasonably-priced) cucumber. This, however, left him feeling empty inside, and more isolated than ever.

carrot 6

Driven to depths he had never before thought possible, Trogmo began to become more and more involved with the deepest and darkest places on the Web. Even though he knew, intellectually, that this distinction was irrelevant. The Web is the Web, and there are no places that are ‘deeper’ or ‘darker’ than any others. Soon, he was caught in a catfishing scam by someone calling themselves V3g8nH8ter71.

carrot 4

Having been abandoned by the arrogant, pretty carrots, Trogmo did not have access to the kind of support network that could have helped him avoid this unfortunate turn of events. But he was alone, on a table, surrounded by torture implements. And none of the others had even noticed he was gone.

carrot 7

Before long, Trogmo’s long, sad and lonely 44-minute life was over. He achieved the rare trifecta of serial-killer-victims. Dismembered, skinned, AND boiled alive.

carrot 5

Trogmo’s earthly ordeal was over. No more would he experience the pain of exclusion, the taunts of the pretty and heartless. Indeed, he never knew that in the end, he was loved by ALL. As a carrot cake.

carrot 10

The end.